When Protecting Becomes Preventing: A Message to Softball Parents

I had a conversation recently with a top D1 college coach that hit me hard.

She said: “The new athletes coming in are so broken.”

Naturally, I assumed she meant burnout — something all too common in competitive youth sports. But when I asked what she meant, her explanation took me in a different direction:

“A lot of them don’t know how to fail because their parents never let them. So much so that the parents want to move with them when they come to school.”

Let that sink in.

The Portal Mindset Is Seeping In

If you’ve been around the game long enough, you know the college transfer portal was created to protect athletes' data — those facing real situations like bullying, toxic coaching environments, or abrupt coaching staff changes. It gave those athletes a path forward. It gave them a voice.

But now, that same mindset is bleeding down into travel ball and even high school softball.

Parents are pulling their daughters off of teams at the first sign of adversity — because she’s not pitching enough, not playing enough, or simply because they don’t agree with the coach’s plan. Meanwhile, many of these girls are thriving socially, forming deep friendships with their teammates — yet they’re confused and hurt when they're forced to leave.

By the time these athletes are graduating, some have played for five to ten different travel teams or organizations.

That’s a red flag in the recruiting world.

And just to be clear — as someone who has played this game and coached this game from youth ball, college prep softball (travel ball) through college — I know the system is broken in many ways.

I’ve seen it. I’ve stood by athletes dealing with real adversity. I’ve helped young women navigate painful team dynamics or a toxic coaching environment after they gave their all trying to make it work.

As a coach and a parent — my husband and I have had to make tough decisions for our own kids, and we both coach. Especially when your kid says that they can't play for a coach who doesn't allow them to fail.

So, I say this with compassion, not judgment.

But we also have to talk about the flip side.

I’ve heard of travel coaches teaching their athletes how to write district transfer letters using “trigger words” — not because anything harmful actually happened, but to manipulate the system. Why? To get athletes into their high school program… and then use that access for travel team field space.

And we wonder why teams don’t stay together longer than a season or two.

But what about those rare teams that do stick together? Sometimes, it’s because the athletes have found something special. Other times… it raises questions: Is this really about the athletes? Or is it a narcissistic relationship between coach and player, built around control and the coaches' agenda and not player development?

The Need to Let Them Struggle

I get it.

I’m a coach. I’m a mom of three athletes. And I’m human.

It’s hard to watch your child feel stuck or disappointed. It’s instinctual to protect them. But there’s a huge difference between supporting your athlete and shielding her from reality.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

If she never learns how to fail, face conflict, or speak up for herself, what happens when she’s no longer under your roof?

How will she handle a difficult professor, a demanding boss, a selfish teammate, or a coach who doesn’t hand her everything?

Let me remind you — this D1 coach told me parents wanted to move with their daughters to college.

As my second son prepares to graduate this year, and my daughter approaches her own high school graduation in 2028, this reality is hitting home for me:

We only get so many years with our kids in our homes.

Use that time wisely. Let them feel frustration. Let them figure things out. Be there to guide them — not rescue them.

Stand in the arena with them. Teach them to be brave by showing your braveness.

Don’t teach them to become victims of someone else’s immaturity, brokenness or lack of growth.

Teach her to stand in what she knows she is capable of — not what you think she should be doing, but what she wants.

And I know it’s tempting. It’s tempting to fill her head with your perceptions, your frustrations, your fears.

But what if, instead, we listened more? What if we helped her trust her gut, not ours?

It’s Bigger Than Just Pitching

When it comes to players and especially pitchers like Rome (and so many others I work with), my message is simple:

Give her time. Let her develop. And make sure her pitching coach isn’t just teaching mechanics or how to throw strikes — but also cultivating a growth mindset relationship with her while helping her build tools for life on and off the mound.

One day, softball will be over. But the resilience, voice, and confidence she builds now will be what lasts. Let’s raise not just strong pitchers, but strong, fierce women who are just as aggressive in their lives as they are on the mound...

One Pitch at a Time.

—Coach Kally V

Kally V Softball | KVS Pitching Mentorship Program